i’m not what you’re wanting me to be farewell, my lovely looks like Caligula’s about to fall (i’m not what you wanted me to be) if words didn’t break bones why am i full of dust? farewell, my lovely, i must go blood on the steps and the brass is blasting and the heat is overwhelming i’m coughing so damn much my nostrils switch which is stuffed it says so much about me that i still puff— i said, ‘help me, help you’ i said ‘help me, help you, help me, help you’ i appreciate you i appreciate you i appreciate you for stopping by take over direction of the stage i don’t know where to hit my cue am i late, off the clock? wanna share a kiss in the trench as we fight for the bread? they shoot horses, don’t they? (2-29-2020 and i don’t have medical) spaceship out of here—— —hearing your words and misplacing all their meaning is so like me (half of my blood is Cain throwing stones the other half is incapable of taste) i said, ‘help me, help you’ i said ‘help me, help you, help me, help you’ ($6.77 in my SquareCash app, and i don’t know what direction to go) you said, ‘help me, help you’ i appreciate you you said, ‘help me, help you’ i appreciate you you said, ‘help me, help you’ i appreciate you for stopping by trimmed my beard what an accomplishment big boys don’t cry even if they like guys they all grow as old as you i appreciate you you said, ‘help me, help you’ i appreciate you i appreciate you you said, ‘help me, help you’ i appreciate you stopping by i appreciate you $6.77 in my SquareCash app and i don’t know when to hit my cue but i’m glad you stopped by i appreciate you

up in Kirkland came from Rhode Island still in my work uniform but your mind is somewhere else back to your apartment so i guess i like you still in my work uniform not a dealbreaker? holy fuck… they got an army of wolves in sheep clothing dancing on the coals ’til they drop -drop, carrying the basket to the front door zig and zag, ying and yang hot or cold, what does the mood ring say? ‘maybe tomorrow, i will smile and it’ll be real’ back to your apartment so i guess i like you still in my work uniform not a dealbreaker? holy fuck… they got an army of wolves in sheep clothing dancing on the coals ’til they drop -drop, carrying the basket to the front door zig and zag, ying and yang hot or cold, what does the mood ring say? maybe tomorrow i’ll run a red just to test if god wants me dead i bet… they got an army of wolves in sheep clothing dancing on the coals ’til they drop -drop, carrying the basket to the front door zig and zag, ying and yang hot or cold, what does the mood ring say? they got an army of wolves in sheep clothing dancing on the coals ’til they drop -drop, carrying the basket to the front door zig and zag, ying and yang hot or cold, what does the mood ring say?

all of the stars in the sky looking like they’re melting like ice cream overflowing from the edge of a cone the moon looking like it’s been eclipsed the coffee stain on the coffee table that we bought at IKEA back in ay— back in ay— tonight i’ll work hard for you make you want to come— —home i’ll try even if it’s hard for me making dues with the devil i’ve known tricky, tricky sandman coming on in at a stalemate they’re bad and they’re ugly but no way that i’m not outside looking in given what you got all the way to the shoppette, amazing born in the way of your ways on the way to the feeling angel eyes the bridges are broken and I don’t have anywhere to run but i guess we don’t have to if we’ve nowhere to go, no cash flow angel eyes if the fever wasn’t psychological, if my thinking wasn’t so comical would you feel safe? i run to you disappointed again i come to you, baby boy, i need you the world is scary, my head is crazy but i know that you can come on through break me through never meet me at 2 when i wanna ride didn’t even think that you would cry but i guess you grew up a little given what you got all the way to the shoppette, amazing born in the way of your ways on the way to the feeling angel eyes the bridges are broken and I don’t have anywhere to run but i guess we don’t have to if we’ve nowhere to go, no cash flow angel eyes if the feeling wasn’t psychological, if my thinking wasn’t so comical would you feel safe? hard for you make you want to never leave home try even if it’s hard for me making dues with the devils i’ve known tricky, tricky angel eyes angel eyes given what you got all the way to the shoppette, amazing born in the way of your ways on the way to the feeling given what you got all the way to the shoppette, amazing

you made me potato soup or beefy noodles, depending on my mood i still remember the smell of your shampoo i’m already feeling i’ve had enough seven decades but you haven’t given up never cease to stun me how you do what you do and what you’ve done heaven await when you cross my love sounds depressing but it’s not my love you told me all my life i would be alright so even if things are not, i’m gonna try easy to worry, easy to think you might not… …make sense shirt on my head long black hair bra on my chest you didn’t care you smiled you grabbed the camera so i put on a show standing there on the patio bumfuck Ohio Selena, on the radio little gay boy, you’re a star Freud would have a field day easy to worry, easy to think you might not… …make sense you smiled you grabbed the camera so i put on a show standing there on the patio bumfuck Ohio Selena, on the radio little gay boy, you’re a star Freud would have a field day Freud would have a field day

on Thursday charge as credit ’til they drop the paycheck at midnight got my shift in the morning, early start, 5am prep the pots, pull the shots, try to show you haven’t got the wisdom to navigate all of the fallout still haven’t rid myself of the shadow that is you i promise, baby, i’m trying to see the bright side of this dark age i promise, baby, i’m trying to shut off the brain to shut off the brain shut off the brain off the brain the brain to shut off the brain shut off the brain off the brain the brain on Thursday charge as credit ’til they drop the paycheck at midnight got my shift in the morning, early start, 5am prep the pots, pull the shots, try to show you don’t scare yourself to death, Carly Beth drive away when you’re able leave them high from the exhaust— —ion that they left on you it takes three hours to get from Chehalis to Bremerton— by train is the way because my engine is shot it’s been a real shit week where everything happened and it was so bad it made me think about you constantly so hard to focus on the game with you on my mind again and again, again and again again and again, again and again try to shut of my brain shut off my brain, shut off my brain to shut off the brain shut off the brain off the brain the brain to shut off the brain shut off the brain off the brain the brain on Thursday charge as credit ’til they drop the paycheck at midnight those sleepless nights all alone with you those nighttime rides all alone with you still haven’t caught up to what i’m missing running on empty, can’t afford no place to go those sleepless nights all alone with you ripped away haven’t got the wisdom to navigate all of the fallout still haven’t rid myself of the shadow that is you

nothing new, especially lately high volume, transistor throwing sparks you stand in the rubble the wires inside your mind sparks spiraling the sparkle in your eye smoke spiraling falling — someone ring the alarm it feels too calm so dead calm what happened to the scents the sights, the touch, the sounds all the fucking feels we felt it feels so calm dead

incredible, to say the least that you feel i’m nothing how about you, if you need tell us what to do tell us something new it’s so hard for you to take on what you do it breaks my heart incredible, to say the least that you can feel like you are nothing how about you, if you need tell us what you need tell us something new it’s so hard for you to take on what you do it breaks my heart something told me in my youth go 15ft on the deep end of the pool they all come out in the morning so you sleep all day ‘cause your crazy’s in-sync with the sun where did she go when she left the hospital? i’m not sure, i’m not sure did she cut her strings and were her strings my veins? i’m not sure, i’m not sure in-fucking-tense, to say the least your brain makes something from nothing what would i need to do to show you that it’s all an illusion? like…. i had a case of cassette tapes ‘…Baby One More Time’, ‘Spiceworld’, and ‘All the Small Things’ all the small things matter ‘Millennium’ millennium ‘Oops! I Did It Again’, did it again ‘On the 6’, ‘Come on Over’ now i’m twentysomething with vermouth at the club and on the diving board growing old reflecting on my youth you know they say if you go deep then you’re cool well, i’ll say that it’s a lie they all come out in the morning so you sleep all day ‘cause your crazy’s in-sync with the sun did she cut her strings and were the strings your veins? where did she go when she left the hospital? i’m not sure, i’m not sure i’m not sure, i’m not sure

Mickey Mouse magnet across the TV screen leaving rainbow streams of oil in a parking lot puddle that’s how she fell in from Atlantis pink robe over a flying buttress she’ll name all the precious and she’ll smite the rest fuzzy little analog dream are you even gonna go ask Alice this time? arms spread out like Kate Winslet wildfire hair millennial jesus big screen to fuzzy little analog dream that’s how she rose from the dead tingling while flying through into infinite jest she’ll make all her own decisions she’ll wipe the diamonds from her own mind are you even gonna go ask Alice this time? Mickey Mouse magnet across the TV screen leaving rainbow streams of oil in a parking lot puddle that’s how she rose from the dead tingling while flying into infinite jest she’ll make all her own decisions and she’ll wipe the diamonds clear from her mind

my man, body to water my man, alchemy with candlelight buzzing hours later my man, pretty much the perfect guy off to bed, head off the bed as above so below, upside down you kiss me though, my man you take me in your arms macchiato microfoam on your lip rarely ever see it now, could we talk my man? oh, keep me here with all of my prescriptions crying, losing my temper and my patience ‘i’m not a crier’ that’s what you said… my man, body to water my man, alchemy with candlelight buzzing hours later my man, pretty much the perfect guy off to bed, head off the bed as above so below, upside down you kiss me though, my man you take me in your arms macchiato microfoam on your lip rarely ever see it now, could we talk my man? oh, keep me here with all of my prescriptions crying, losing my temper and my patience

you and me we grew up on Winnie the Pooh you don’t have to wish i was there when you know i cared you hold your own and you know i love make sure you jump high but make sure you hear it right all of the ways i say that i love the way you make me feel never comes out quite as deep as i mean for it to simpleton, i’m not, simpleton, i’m not i thought but i can’t formulate the right poetry to say that you are my heart, you are my life i took a video of us on the boardwalk even though we never went there together so damn easy when you’re creative to formulate a narrative but you know you know and fiction is fiction, so which story are you in? check out the sound, all of the fog, might as well… all of the ways i say that i love the way you make me feel never comes out quite as deep as i mean for it to simpleton, i’m not, simpleton, i’m not i thought but i can’t formulate the right poetry to say that you are my heart, you are my life

all of the ways i say that i love the way you make me feel never comes out quite as deep as i mean for it to simpleton, i’m not, simpleton, i’m not i thought but i can’t formulate the right poetry to say that you are my heart, you are my life