you got that eyeshadow of Liz Taylor rocking pantsuits like its 20 years later you’re a trailblazer, trailblazer and they ask me what i do in my free time my weekends resort to nothing but i’m slow blinking with Pazuzu and i’m writing a song dandelion going by, could linger why it’s making impressions another iteration, a repetition that you know damned if you do or if you don’t, stream of consciousness with a heavy flow ice cycles, flurry snows eating at your throat shine on like a crazy diamond eye in the sky, black velvet night thunder rolling with eternal flame god, how i miss the lightning time long stretch endless to now eye in the mind, memories on high fumble through section 8 god, how i miss the lingering of the madness stop fixating on the shit that’s eating at you you should get yourself together in case you thought otherwise, as you do it’s okay to not be remembered look like germ from above look like germ from above look like germ from above look like germ from above oh, it’s crazy how little we know about everyone it’s crazy how little even though we’re Warhol celebrities now say it for me, say it for me, say it for me, say it for me baby let’s go through the bleach stain cosmos fear is a demon, could figure why it’s making an impression lost in translation, no longer into control how would you learn to grow, damned if you do or don’t damned if you do or don’t, stream of nothing in a draw ignorance has no flow, dry sand clogging at your throat damned if they do, damned if they don’t look like germ from above (‘cause hate seems to stay) look like germ from above (tho it seems to change shape) look like germ from above (hate seems to change) look like germ from above (but it stays the same) think of Frankenstein monster with your dull pitchfork keyboards the only stitches on my face from the switches of a white supremacist rage stop fixating on the shit that’s eating at you you should get yourself together in case you thought otherwise, as you do it’s okay to not be remembered look like germ from above look like germ from above look like germ from above look like germ from above oh, it’s crazy how little we know about everyone it’s crazy how little even though we’re Warhol celebrities now say it for me, say it for me, say it for me, say it for me baby let’s go through the bleach stain cosmos damned if you do, or don’t either way, you gotta let it show damned if you do, or don’t you got to let your freak flag show damned if you do, or don’t either way, you gotta let it show damned if you do, or don’t you got to let your freak flag show oh, it’s crazy how little we know about everyone it’s crazy how little even though we’re Warhol celebrities now say it for me, say it for me, say it for me, say it for me baby let’s go through the bleach stain cosmos baby let’s go through the bleach stain cosmos let’s go through the bleach stain cosmos

i started talking to my mama again and she’s been talking with that Jesus again abiding by the new testament living by the words in red last she did this was after 9/11 knock on the door of the soul or whatever that prayer was on your bedroom wall as a kid i am a 90s child, 2000s teen 2010s adult, and now a ‘20s queen in the making i am sure that you haven’t heard this before the world was so different before you were born typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 malaise i started 70s country rock on shuffle since the Billboard seems to be the norm ‘Desperado’ by the Eagles came on flashback to Samantha Neeley on the stage of a mandatory elementary school thing the towers fallen just a couple days ago the grown-ups said they’re on their way again the teachers were crying as she sang and a projector showed an image of a flag, an eagle and a ‘proud to be an american’ picfont thing it was so fucking camp, it was so fucking camp it was so fucking camp i am a 90s child, 2000s teen 2010s adult, and now a ‘20s queen in the making i am sure that you haven’t heard this before the world was so different before you were born typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 malaise it’s the way that they talked like we were all dead it was the way that we lived like we were all dead thought i’d be hot stuff and that men’d be at my bussy but looking in the mirror i’m feeling more like Nathan Lane in ‘The Birdcage’ crossed with Prior from ‘Angels in America’ even re-enacting ‘Belle et la Bête’ in my closet my head spins in circles so much i’m surely crazy like the best of the them, writing great songs so natural i’m starting to feel fucking lazy syllables and downtempo is all my brain is doing all day long stretchers are going insane when i’m not zoning out in compulsive fits dreaming about my death my head spins in circles so much it’s like a Johnny Clyde movie spins so much it’s like a Nelson Sullivan video spins so much it’s like my creativity is in eclipse and i am on that shit again i am a 90s child, 2000s teen 2010s adult, and now a ‘20s queen in the making i am sure that you haven’t heard this before the world was so different before you were born get your pencils ready typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 bullshit typical millennial 9/11 bullshit

two story yellow house evil in the wood dance in a seance to Power Rangers and gospel tunes five years old and i’d been told a witch’s ghost wanders this living room rocks me to sleep in a Madonna pose sings a lullaby that no one can repeat and daylight makes her a vagabond that no one can see and a fag’s best friend is the mother lightning comes through with sounds of thunder it’s all that was needed to grow underneath watered by the gardener, my mother’s mother who are you who are you using humor to cope with hurt sarcasm to cope with the world who are you who are you use words to cope with the change an intensity that prevents as the flood when everything is just a stagnant creek tar lines pattern your broken wings just like these veins an intensity that prevents you as a flood when really you’re just a stagnant creek trailer park, top bunk evil in the window men with tails and serpent tongues slurring gospel cues five years old and i’ve been told nightmare fuel can sometimes feel so true a pack of cigarettes that i cling to camel standing with the pyramids in view Dr. Mario score makes it all a movie scene nobody but you can see a fag’s best friend is the mother lightning comes on through with the thunder it’s all that you need to grow underneath watered by the gardener, my mother’s mother who are you who are you using humor to cope with hurt sarcasm to cope with the world who are you who are you use words to cope with the change an intensity that prevents as the flood when everything is just a stagnant creek tar lines pattern your broken wings just like these veins an intensity that prevents you as a flood when really you’re just a stagnant creek a fag’s best friend is the mother a fag’s best friend is the mother a fag’s best friend is the mother a fag’s best friend is the mother lightning comes on through with the thunder it’s all that you need to grow underneath watered by the gardener, my mother’s mother

fumbling for my wallet to pay for my espresso wrinkles on my knuckles, they’re new to me starting to see grey hairs afar in the mirror looks like life is catching up, looks like life is catching up she doesn’t know me, but she told me she’s written a book she doesn’t know me, but she told me self-published on Amazon she doesn’t know me, but she told me she’s written a book she’s written a book i smoked weed last night for the first time in a while the only way to listen to the new Del Rey i no longer feel no more peaceful, anxiety takes center stage self-reflection in Yakima, convinced i don’t have my legs self-reflection in Yakima self-reflection in Yakima there was a tile on the bathroom floor that i convinced myself was the grim reaper when you don’t have time for making friend you don’t have time to keep one either, either i’m good at avoiding what’s bad for me but one taste and i’m all the way in, touching death when my circuits aren’t so connected as they are when i’m sober i was reading Annie Dillard to replay the solar eclipse prism in the shadows on the pavement from the leaves this clown she sees in a hotel, self-reflection in Yakima looks like life is catching up feel dumb like so many other people, but i love everyone all the same hot-head so traumatized, convince myself i don't have a gift on the wrong track, i hate myself i smoked weed last night for the first time in a while the only way to listen to the new Del Rey i no longer feel no more peaceful, anxiety takes center stage self-reflection in Yakima, convinced i don’t have my legs self-reflection in Yakima self-reflection in Yakima there was a tile on the bathroom floor that i convinced myself was the grim reaper when you don’t have time for making friend you don’t have time to keep one either, either i’m good at avoiding what’s bad for me but one taste and i’m all the way in, touching death when my circuits aren’t so connected as they are when i’m sober let it be, let it be, i say it’ll go on anyway let it be, let it be, its the only way seems things easily slip away, whether here or in the now or in my favorite things, can’t keep up with the pop cult it goes by faster than my shifts than my grip on the things that make me give a shit like this house, the cats, the dog, my love, my friends who i’m used to not giving enough let it be, let it be, i say it’ll go on anyway it’s the same as you--- ---for the first time in a while the only way to listen to the new Del Rey i no longer feel no more peaceful, anxiety takes center stage self-reflection in Yakima, convinced i don’t have my legs self-reflection in Yakima self-reflection in Yakima the only way to listen to the new Del Rey i no longer feel no more peaceful, anxiety takes center stage self-reflection in Yakima, convinced i don’t have my legs self-reflection in Yakima self-reflection in Yakima

how many holes ’til you get a new pair where the cash flows depends on the day and they’re greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy about everything you stand for, stand for, stand for save for love, they just don’t get it studs on the boots, leg propped to the wall my head down in prayer, light a Hays code fag 9 to 5, 5 to 1, 1 to 9, having fun in another song akin’ing to Pacino not Tony Montana, no, i’m lost in the ether i’m losing myself in the dance, dance i’m a trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, tricky one to understand i’m a trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, tricky one to understand a trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, tricky one to understand how many holes ’til you get a new pair where the cash flows depends on the day and they’re greedy, greedy, greedy about everything, everything, everything we stand for, stand for, stand for save for love, save for love studs on the boots, leg propped to the wall my head down in prayer, light a Hays code fag 9 to 5, 5 to 1, 1 to 9, having fun in another song akin’ing to Pacino not Tony Montana, no, i’m lost in the ether i’m losing myself in the dance i’ve lost my way to the plan never have i ever been my own leader i’m a trick, trick, tricky i’m a trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, tricky one to understand i’m a trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, tricky one to understand a trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, tricky one to understand trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, trick, trick studs on the boots, leg propped to the wall my head down in prayer, lighting a Hays code fag studs on the boots, leg propped to the wall my head down in prayer, lighting a Hays code fag

they spoke to me in gospels underwritten a twisted mindset constructed by the bloody bends the air with a smell of a reluctant thunderstorm yet i still took to the rain, it’s beauty itself i was 20 years old when i first met the devil we made a deal unspoken, i signed myself away soulless i have been since that day yet i still look to reclaim myself in the process life’s got a stupid way of making its own poetry time’s so fucking crazy i hate to believe in it life’s got a stupid way of making it suck everyday it’s all so fucking crazy i just want to end it can’t believe you’d want to be with me i’m just the toxic waste of a gummo place love was depicted in broken ways love was depicted in broken ways you spoke to me in rhythms i understood a quest for myself and you were there with a ready hand the parking lot of a Starbucks in Cincinnati 2013 a kiss that first made me understand love itself it was 10 years ago - damn, it’s been 10 we made a deal just a few years after that; tears and tungsten bands the weather that day was like heaven, so warm and you were there in front of me, my superhero life’s got a stupid way of making its own poetry time’s so fucking crazy i hate to believe in it life’s got a stupid way of making its own poetry time’s so fucking crazy i hate to believe in this can’t believe you’d want to be with me i’m just the toxic waste of a gummo place love was depicted in broken ways love was depicted in broken ways can’t believe you’d want to be with me i’m just the toxic waste of a gummo place love was depicted in broken ways love was depicted in broken ways now i’m losing my interest in what that blood meant the teachings of the flesh and bone, i’m now all electricity elastic, dragging for filth any trash i need to dump and now Bandcamp is dead and i’m in purgatory and i don’t give a fuck maybe this’ll be the last of my breath elasticity and i’m ready to go the next step you spoke to me in rhythms i understood a quest for myself and you were there with a ready hand parking lot of a Starbucks in Cincinnati 2013 then sliding on that tungsten band in 2017 the weather that day was like heaven, so warm fuck all that from before can’t believe you’d want to be with me just the toxic waste of a gummo place you love me you love me you love me and i love you

i love the taste poor boy, bad taste it’s great being ahead nowadays reprints like Andy in his factory no, it’s not algorithmic no, it’s not disillusionment i am pure, i am true a truly american brand true, everything i’m about to say is true everything about to say is true everything i’m about to say is true true, everything i’m about to say is true everything about to say is true everything i’m about to say is true i know who killed me i know who killed me i know who killed me i know who killed me story time, bad education fate busting the rhythm nowadays fragments like Sulli in the fish eye no, it’s not algorithmic no, it’s not disillusionment i am pure, i am true a truly american brand no, it’s not that confusing no, it’s not disappointing i am pure, i am true a truly american brand i know who killed me i know who killed me i know who killed me i know who killed me i love the taste, love the taste love the taste of cough syrup i think i might make, i might make i might make a latte out of it i love the taste, love the taste love the taste of cough syrup i think i might make, i might make i might make a latte out of it true, everything i’m about to say is true everything about to say is true everything i’m about to say is true true, everything i’m about to say is true everything about to say is true everything i’m about to say is true i think i might make, i might make i might make a latte out of it Kenneth Anger, Nelson Sullivan Andy Warhol, Paul Morrissey (i know who killed me) George Michael, Richard O’Brien Jean Cocteau and Oscar Wilde (i know who killed me) James Dean, Bret Easton Ellis John Waters, Lou Reed (i know who killed me) John Grant, Perfume Genius and Gregg Araki (i know who killed me) don’t forget Gus Van Sant and ‘Midnight Cowboy’ on repeat don’t you forget ‘The Lost Boys’ and what it meant to you don’t forget that episode of ‘Goosebumps’ ‘The Haunted Mask’ and what it means to you and don’t you think that Marlena’s possession on ‘Days of Our Lives’ is what you are doomed to be what you’re doomed to be (i know who killed me) it’s what you’re doomed to be (i know who killed me) it’s what you’re doomed, doomed, doomed to believe (i know who killed me) story time, bad taste just wanna be under blankets with a cigarette watching ‘I Know Who Killed Me’ story time, bad education i love the taste of cough syrup think i might make a latte out of it

this boy moved into a town where everybody seemed strange and he found this circus abandoned on the outside of darkness and the fences around were torn so he walked on through scorned he follows this awfully strange crying in the distance and he finds the darkest tent and there sits by a vanity a crying clown this boy in a strange town life’s a circus, you’re abandoned then a mess, and a curse and my mama wrote me this story when i was so young there’s a power to the pen it’s all about you no matter what you think it’s about you

this light, this light of mine no longer shines no more hold on tight for a helluva ride for all of time before we took a dive into the upside down a life that we barely have anymore see the view from crimson sky no more, no more, no more it’s the only thing i’m sure of it’s the only thing i’m sure of this light, this light, this light above this light, this light, this light on and the only thing that i’m sure of the only thing i hope for is light, this light, this light this light no longer shines skylight, head on high diamond after diamond forever and more and more we took a dive into the upside down a life that we barely have anymore see the view from crimson sky no more, no more, no more it’s the only thing i’m sure of it’s the only thing i’m sure of this light, this light, this light above this light, this light, this light on and the only thing that i’m sure of the only thing i hope for is light, this light, this light above this light no longer shines

we flew once, we drove the next we’re settled and, i can’t say i regret it yet i do, too, a mixed signal wanna go back, but don’t due of all my pitfalls i know it’s not easy, to put fault on me god knew that i can lay myself out throw out my back, go back to work soulless and selfish, deluded and broken and aimless, and gorgeous the same crash course that i walk through years ago, waiting for the same old big nothing i am, i am, i am, i am you once spiritual, thus ignorant and you choose, what you know formed by the above god is the witness, i was in your shoes, yes i was i was in the shoes on the telephone poles and the only thing i know, is exactly what you don’t it always takes me, more than a few years staring in my rearview mirror white noise fades away objects become clear, the closer they get photos under chemical in a dark room soulless and selfish, deluded and broken and aimless, and gorgeous the same crash course that i walk through years ago, waiting for the same old big nothing i am, i am, i am, i am you texted me, and i texted back haven’t heard from him in a long time took a year before i saw my message was unsent thinking he thinks i forget seems communication’s never been a strong point for me even though i express myself, under the mask of auteur there’s mountains, there’s evergreen calling out my name i shared with my dad like these sidewalks, that he walked how did i cycle it all back in a poem so unintentional getting lost, in digital chessboards for about a year now, so many scholars mates used to drive me crazy, until i made peace with the way the other souls float by not everybody, can be the same how else could we, join our hands (harper, angel) soulless and selfish, deluded and broken and aimless, and gorgeous the same crash course that i walk through years ago, waiting for the same old big nothing (crowning achievement is wrapped in those kindergarten ‘i am’ poems) i am, i am, i am, i am you (‘i am’ poems) i got a buzz in how the words fall so has the years went so slowly by in the blink of an eye, anything in my mind’s eye people around me, inside me, remakes of other stories things that really upset the wavelength searching constantly for that red door with a sidewalk of marbled chessboard slower, faster, no control why do we take over such a cannonball when it doesn’t have a flame that can be sparkless i’m too busy stimming projector full of images i’m firing constantly (stimming) chaotic in the eye of the storm ... years ago, waiting for the same old big nothing (i could really be nothing) i am, i am, i am, i am you (crashing like Cronenberg) i am, i am, i am, i am a creator (big nothing) i am , i am, i am, i am a hyperlinked ego i am, i am, i am, i am nothing like you i am, i am, i am, i am nothing like you i am, i am, i am i am, i am, i am now you know what its like to plug your mode, and realize you are also so... soulless and selfish, deluded and broken and aimless, and gorgeous the same crash course that i walk through years ago, waiting for the same old big nothing i am, i am, i am, i am you i am, i am, i am, i am nothing like you i knew when i was a kid, all caught up in, and i’m coming down now coming down from that cloud slowing down now ready to take it easy Carradine, i’m easy Keith Carradine, i’m easy godfuckingdammit, it’s easy godfuckingdammit, it’s easy i am, i